Holding pattern/introvert Christian

So...since I last wrote, I have

1. Gotten a job at a salon, and lost it, due to the fact I don't have a huge clientele, and it was commission only. They also said I was not outgoing enough for them (?)

2. Attempted to get my driver's license (yes folks, I still don't have it) and every single time, I kid you not, either I found out I have no money to pay for the license, or our vehicle breaks down.

And as I'm applying for jobs in my line of work, I keep getting this nagging feeling like maybe hair is not what I'm supposed to do. I mean, everyone is having somewhat of a post-grad slump in this country, and having a hard time finding a job, but I don't know if this is really my passion.

Don't get me wrong, I like doing hair, but I don't like the falseness of the whole industry, and the cattiness. I like taking care of people, and meeting people, but I push myself, and push myself to 'get out there' and be more outgoing, but I feel like I can't do it sometimes. I'm not saying to dump all your issues on your client, but I can. not. be. fake.

And I'm seriously praying about what to do now. I'm not saying that taking care of yourself is wrong, or shallow, or that fashion and a preference with how you look is bad. But I won't treat someone bad because of their income, or how someone might perceive them.

I'm definitely a deep thinker, and a private person. I think people think that people with tattoos (I'm getting more soon) and facial piercings are really extroverted, but not me. If I feel comfortable with someone, and 'safe' then I open up a lot. But over Facebook? Not really. I don't want all of my contacts knowing my business, and sometimes I just want to vent, and get it over with, not have my whole life up for speculation.

I went to a church for a few years that I would describe "Pentecostals on steroids." THAT is how open everyone was with their emotions, and for a while, I didn't really notice anything, but over time I started to feel like something was wrong with me. Don't get me wrong, community is extremely valuable, but if someone doesn't really know you, they might assume a lot about you. And your walk with God. My husband and I left for multiple reasons, but this was one of them. Feeling like if you weren't whooping for joy (not that I don't have joy) and displaying it in front of everyone, that they were judging you.

And I feel like often in churches today, there is a huge catering towards people who are extroverted, but for those who are introverted (not hermits, or anti-social), they feel left out. I'm not sure if Jesus was one or the other, but I know He needed time to be alone, and be with God.

I wish I was more confident, but only God can really give that to me.